Transcript of audio:
But alas we must pay them the slightest bit of intention, because their presidency is up for grabs. And whoever becomes their president could deeply impact our ability here in the U.S. to rape and pillage their people. Buhlluhh! I'm sorry, did I say rape and pillage! Uhh Erhhh, what I meant was profit their people!
The big news is that their former president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, finally was granted a passport to Haiti, and he is on his way back to Haiti, to presumably try to become president of Haiti.
A little background of Haiti, he's a former Catholic priest from the slums of Haiti who is absolutely loved by the Haitian poor, which is basically, the Haitian, everyone! He is also beloved by a lot of Americans -- but not the smart ones.
Because we know that with someone like him in power, it will be very difficult to rape Haiti. Whoa! I'm sorry, did I say, rape. I meant, take advantage of Haiti.
Because you see, Aristide is very anti foreign governments coming in and meddling about in Haiti's business. Which sucks for us!
And that's why smart Americans like George H. Bush and George W. Bush both arranged for Aristide to be covertly overthrown two of the times that he was previously president.
People of Haiti, I know you are looking for someone who understands your needs. Aristide is not the answer.
I now introduce you to Jean-Bertand Aristock! What's that you say. That looks like a sock puppet? No. It' not! This is a human being. And a Haitian human being. And furthermore a human being that a lot of Americans, here in the U.S., think would make a great president for you! Tell them Aristock. Tell them why you'd would make a great president.
Because I want it so that foreign countries, uh can rape Haiti.
Duhhh! What's that you said?
I want foreign countries to be able to rape Haiti.
No ahh! I'm sure that's not exactly what he means. I'm think what he is trying to say is that foreign countries can come in and set up businesses and to take advantage of cheap labor and so forth. Ok. That's not since I was.... Shhhhh! Ok.
Now. tell the people why they should vote for you?
Because I'm black.
Oh my god! I didn't even notice that! Because I don't see color!
People of Haiti, Aristock, not Aristide!
And if you do vote for Aristide, just a little warning, our military will probably have to make a pit stop in Haiti, just to make sure that nothing fraudulent transpired.