Haiti: A Humorous Presentation of the Truth

Why We Must Rape, er, help, Haiti by GlendaBeckk

Transcript of audio:

With everything going on in Egypt it's very easy for us Americans to overlook our poor neighbor to the south Haiti. Hahaha! Let's be honest it's very easy for us to overlook them no matter what. They're just so poor!

But alas we must pay them the slightest bit of intention, because their presidency is up for grabs. And whoever becomes their president could deeply impact our ability here in the U.S. to rape and pillage their people. Buhlluhh! I'm sorry, did I say rape and pillage! Uhh Erhhh, what I meant was profit their people!

The big news is that their former president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, finally was granted a passport to Haiti, and he is on his way back to Haiti, to presumably try to become president of Haiti.

A little background of Haiti, he's a former Catholic priest from the slums of Haiti who is absolutely loved by the Haitian poor, which is basically, the Haitian, everyone! He is also beloved by a lot of Americans -- but not the smart ones.

Because we know that with someone like him in power, it will be very difficult to rape Haiti. Whoa! I'm sorry, did I say, rape. I meant, take advantage of Haiti.

Because you see, Aristide is very anti foreign governments coming in and meddling about in Haiti's business. Which sucks for us!

And that's why smart Americans like George H. Bush and George W. Bush both arranged for Aristide to be covertly overthrown two of the times that he was previously president.

People of Haiti, I know you are looking for someone who understands your needs. Aristide is not the answer.

I now introduce you to Jean-Bertand Aristock! What's that you say. That looks like a sock puppet? No. It' not! This is a human being. And a Haitian human being. And furthermore a human being that a lot of Americans, here in the U.S., think would make a great president for you! Tell them Aristock. Tell them why you'd would make a great president.

Because I want it so that foreign countries, uh can rape Haiti.

Duhhh! What's that you said?

I want foreign countries to be able to rape Haiti.

No ahh! I'm sure that's not exactly what he means. I'm think what he is trying to say is that foreign countries can come in and set up businesses and to take advantage of cheap labor and so forth. Ok. That's not since I was.... Shhhhh! Ok.

Now. tell the people why they should vote for you?

Because I'm black.

Oh my god! I didn't even notice that! Because I don't see color!

People of Haiti, Aristock, not Aristide!

And if you do vote for Aristide, just a little warning, our military will probably have to make a pit stop in Haiti, just to make sure that nothing fraudulent transpired.


HatTip: GlendaBeckk

Hilary Clinton, how does it feel to get leaked on?

This Wikileaks satire video was posted on Twitter by @Wikileaks. The truth is out there and it's very funny. Here's an excerpt.

Hilary Clinton, how does it feel to get leaked on?

It's scandalous! This is a case of high treason. It's against the land of the brave and divine freedom. Were the good guys for democracy. We fight evil. And we wage peace around the world, proud of the flag. These leaks could devalue this powerful brand. Bring military operations straight to a halt. Our shareholders, clients, and partners will clearly revolt.

But aren't you beholden to the American public? And isn't the U.S. one of the primary culprits in overthrowing governments?

Such as?

Chili, Iran, Nicaragua…

Please, stop with the drama. The American people are our employees. Who's taxes fund the wars that support our schemes. Their kids become our troops we send overseas. In return for mega-malls and the American dream. And if our client states don't like the things that we do, we install a dictator with a CIA coup. And foreign relations subversion is the method we use. Wikileaks threatens the system, so its a terrorist group.

But people of the world seem to genuinely approve of Wikileaks actions in spreading the truth.

They do? Well then they're terrorist too. Dissenters are traitors are terrorist as history proves and they always loose.

That's curious, weren't our greatest heroes persecuted for this reason?

Who?

Mandela, Ghandi, Jesus…

Mwa ha,ha,ha. You idealists!

See an article on the Guardian UK's website by Mark Weisbrot about "cablegate," titled "WikiLeaks' lesson on Haiti." On their website, The Center for Economic and Policy Research has a more succinct title for the piece: "Wikileaks Cables Show Why Washington Won’t Allow Democracy in Haiti."

Will Jean-Bertrand Aristide Apologize for Coup-napping?

Former president George W. Bush is expected to ask Jean-Bertrand Aristide for an apology for his reluctance to leave the Haitian presidency at the request of the United States in the early morning hours of February 29, 2004.

Reports of the expected announcement comes from officials high up or just high in the U.S. State Department. Some have speculated that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton herself may be issuing the statement on behalf of the former president, who in recent years has formed a close and at times playful bound with her husband, ex-president Bill Clinton.

According to a source at the State Department, who spoke on condition of anonymity, the extension of this "olive branch" will be the highlight a joint event which will be attended by Bush, the Clintons and representatives of Haiti's rich oligarchy.

The brief statement from Bush will say:

"Greetings, Jean-Bertrand, it's George Bush here... Jr. I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the years and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology some time and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my Embassy goo-oo-n… personnel. Why didn't you have the sense to leave immediately? Why did you have to be "persuaded" to sign that resignation letter and get on that plane? So what, you weren't told where we were taking you and your family? Why didn't you just trust that the U.S. had your best interest at heart when we took you "back to Africa" as it were? After all, they do speak French in the Central Republic of Africa.

So give it some thought and certainly pray about this... ah I know you were ex-communicated by the Catholic Church for your political activism on behalf of the poor, but still do pray on it, won't ya? Do come to understand why you did what you did. OK, have a good day there in South Africa. Say hi to that guy who was on the terrorist watch list for most of my presidency… ah what's his name, Mande... ah something."

Robert Novak Legendary Policy Pimp – Dead at 78

"Robert Novak died this morning at 78, after a year-long battle with brain cancer, the Sun-Times reports. Known, to his delight, as the “Prince of Darkness,”... Novak’s “Inside Report” column has been syndicated since 1963. He was at the center of the Valerie Plame scandal, identifying her as an “operative” in his column." -Newster.com

Click "Submit Abuse" if you feel this post is inappropriate. Explain why below if you wish.

Cancel

The following cynically wry satire of Robert Novak's article "Haiti After Aristide" was posted at Assassinated Press March 25, 2004, a month after the coup-knapping of Haiti's first democratically elected President -- Jean-Bertrand Aristide on February 29, 2004. This latest coup marked the second US sponsored ouster of Aristide.

Mr. Novak, along with The New York Times, CNN and most in the mainstream American press waged a very successful disinformation campaign that painted the former Catholic priest (Aristide) -- who was respected and loved by a majority of Haitians and elected with 92% of the vote, as a murdering, drug dealing, thieving, power grabbing dictator. This piece is a tribute (of sorts) to Mr. Novak's legacy as a shill for the right-wing administration of George W. Bush.

Robert Wetvak's Haiti after Aristide:
The Bullshit Doesn't Get Anymore Transparent Than This:
The Country That Major General Smedley Butler Made Safe For The National City Bank Boys Back In The Democratic Administration Of 1915

By ROBERT WETVAK, LEGENDARY POLICY PIMP
The Assassinated Press
March 25, 2004

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti -- U.S. Ambassador James Creamhole Foley on Monday passed the word to Provisional Prime Minister Gerard LaTortue that his superiors in the Bush administration were not happy about language used by the figurehead of Haiti's new U.S. approved government. LaTortue refers to his country's rebels as "freedom fighters." That designation, the prime minister responded, was deserved by patriots cum mass murderers who had as per CIA instructions put the heat on the president while the U.S. government kidnapped the oppressively egalitarian, Jean-Bertrand Aristide.

"Can't you fuckin' towheads get anything right?" Foley admonished the Prime Minister. "The world knows Philippe and Chamblain are our hired thugs. No need for you to let on that you are one too by going out of your way to link yourself with them. Its just good PR to distance yourselves from the guys you hire to do the wetwork. Remember George Bush Sr., Felix Rodriguez, Luis Posada Carriles and Orlando Bosch. Watch what we do in the U.S. After all we are the most effective mass murderers in the history of the world and still most Americans are as incredulous as a Stalinist in 1932."

The exchange reflected the brutal paint-sample racism between Port-au-Prince and Washington at this familiar stage of Haiti's tortured history at the hands of American power. Both the office and person of LaTortue, a 69-year-old retired United Nations flunky, are guarded by armed U.S. State Department security personnel ready to replace him like a bad tube in the ENIAC at the first sign he will not unquestioningly do Uncle Sam Bam Thank You Mam's bidding even if it involves the continuing slaughter of Haiti's poor in the form of the Lavalas party.

Read the whole story at Assassinated Press.

Cartoon by BlackCommentator.com

Mad At Hillary | SNL Harpoons Hillary Clinton

This Saturday Night Live sketch is not pulling any punches. Looks like the Clintons are pissing off more people. They are standing in the glaring light of their own classless blind ambition.

The Clintons are gambling that the superdelegates will buy the arguments that 1) her supporters are racist and won't vote for an African-American who represents the stated ideals of the Democratic party, 2) that African-Americans are slavishly loyal to the Dems and will turn-out to vote for Hillary even if they perceive that Obama should be the nominee by every standard set and 3) that the win at all costs, racist, morally bankrupt tactics of her campaign will be forgiven and forgotten by American voters (America loves a winner!).



Transcript:

"The following is a message from the next president of the united states, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.

HILLARY (Amy Poehler):

Good Evening, my fellow Americans. As we all know, this has already been a long hard-fought campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination. But tonight with my recent victory in Indiana and Senator Obama's in North Carolina. We remain exactly where we were four months ago, HOPELESSLY DEADLOCKED. Therefore this primary will be decided, as it should be, by the superdelegates. Based not on primary results or caucuses, or delegate counts, or popular vote. But on their sober assessment of which candidate will be the strongest against Senator McCain in November.

Tonight, I am here to tell you why I am that candidate.

FIRST, I AM A SORE LOSER. If and when I am the nominee. I know, as do the superdelegates, that Senator Obama will work his heart out for my election. If on the other hand, Senator Obama is chosen, I will probably refuse to campaign for him... thus insuring his defeat, so that I can run again in 2012. You see, unlike my opponent I AM JUST NOT GOING TO LOSE GRACEFULLY. This is not a criticism of Senator Obama, it's just a fact.

SECOND, MY SUPPORTERS ARE RACIST. If and when I am the nominee, Senator Obama's AA supporters will be disappointed perhaps, but they will still rally to me. If however, Senator Obama is the nominee, my supporters will refuse to vote for him, partly because I will secretly tell them not to, but mainly because they are RACIALLY BIASED and would never vote for any African-American candidate. I am not bragging, that's just the way it is.

Now to those of you that worry, that if my opponent is denied the nomination, most African-Americans might simply stay home. I remind you, a) until Senator Obama shockingly, rudely, and might I add selfishly won the Iowa caucuses, most African-Americans supported me. b) My husband was the first black president. And c) in the days ahead we expect to receive the endorsement of America's preeminent African-American leader, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Which brings me to my THIRD and final argument, unlike Senator Obama, I HAVE NO ETHICAL STANDARDS... I will stop at nothing, absolutely nothing, to win... Whereas with Senator Obama there are some things he simply will not do. Take for example, the race card, which he has been reluctant to play; as in anyone who doesn't vote for me is a racist... I on the other hand will be happy to play the gender card. And claim that anyone who doesn't vote for me is a sexist. In fact, once Senator Obama is out of the picture, I look forward to playing the race card myself. As in anyone who doesn't vote for me, is both a sexist and a racist. Now to those of you who say, she'll never do that, it doesn't even make sense. I answer, if you believe that, then you don't know me.

So there you have it, SORE LOSER, RACIST SUPPORTERS, NO ETHICAL STANDARDS, qualities Senator Obama simply cannot match. That's not an attack on my opponent, that's just the truth. When you consider that, the choice is obvious."

Al Qaeda Recruits Kiefer

The headlines are full of stories about the latest Al Qaeda recruits. So when I read the news story today about Kiefer Sutherland doing jail time (48 days) for his 2nd drunk driving arrest in three years; I was inspired to imagine that his need for revenge against a system that has wronged him, may well make him good recruitment material for the "Al Qaeda". I know, you might have your doubts about that, but just think about it; from all that we have heard in the media, in the "war on terror", "everyone" is a suspect.

Mr. Sutherland, an actor, is known to have extremist links. His mother Shirley Douglas, an award winning Canadian actress, was arrested for allegedly trying to supply weapons to the Black Panthers. Ms. Douglas said at the time that she was set up by the FBI. May I say without irony; a likely story. His father Donald Sutherland was an anti Vietnam war activist.

I believe that Kiefer Sutherland should immediately be put on a "watch" list and his program "24" monitored for secret transmissions to other active "cell" members.

December 2nd 2007

The New York Daily News reports under the headline "Experts see rise in Western-looking recruits training in terrorist camps".

The latest crop of Al Qaeda recruits is salted with white, Anglo-featured converts from Europe who look more like TV's Jack Bauer than Osama Bin Laden.

U.S. officials are worried about fair-skinned Al Qaeda killers with light-colored eyes, who most Americans would never suspect as Muslim jihadis ready to die in martyrdom missions like Sept. 11.

"It is a very big concern," a top counterterror official told the Daily News of the possibility that real-life terrorists resemble Kiefer Sutherland's character on "24."

Here are a few pointers from the respected gentlemen/women of the media for spotting the terrorist. Be especially careful of the 10 and under Al Qaeda recruits as reported by the Mirror (UK):

January 13, 2003

The Christian Science Monitor :: "Latest Al Qaeda recruits: Afghans seeking revenge."

Al Qaeda is filling suicide squads with civilians who have lost family members to US attacks.

July 10, 2005

"Leaked No 10 dossier reveals Al-Qaeda’s British recruits"; in the UK The Sunday Times article "AL-QAEDA is secretly recruiting affluent, middle-class Muslims in British universities and colleges to carry out terrorist attacks in this country, leaked Whitehall documents reveal."


A network of “extremist recruiters” is circulating on campuses targeting people with “technical and professional qualifications”, particularly engineering and IT degrees.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

CBC News (British Colombia, Canada) :: "Al-Qaeda's Canadian recruits 'highly prized': report."

The majority of al-Qaeda recruits in Canada are being trained at home, not abroad, making the terror network a direct threat to Canada, according to a recently declassified intelligence report.

The homegrown recruits are highly prized for their familiarity with Western societies, says the Canadian Security Intelligence Service report, obtained by the Toronto Star.

AND THERE'S MORE...

December 8, 2003

The Sydney Morning Herald, Australia :: "Al-Qaeda network recruiting for Iraq"

A string of recent arrests of terrorist suspects has shown that al-Qaeda and groups linked to it have established a network across Europe that is moving recruits into Iraq to join the insurgency against US and allied forces, European intelligence and law enforcement officials say.

Over the past year, the officials have estimated, the network of recruiters working in at least six European countries - Italy, Germany, France, Spain, Britain and Norway - have helped hundreds of young men trying to get to Iraq. The network had provided high-quality fake documents, training, money, and infiltration routes into the country.

November 05, 2007

ABC News :: "MI5: Teen Al Qaeda Recruits, Russian Spies Target Britain."

Teenage al Qaeda recruits and Russian spies are targeting Great Britain in increasing numbers, according to the country's chief spymaster, Jonathan Evans, the head of MI5.

In a speech today, Evans said MI5 had identified 2,000 al Qaeda-connected individuals "who we believe pose a direct threat to national security and public safety."

Individuals as young as 15 and 16 have been implicated in terrorist-related activity, according to Evans, who said the extremists are "methodically and intentionally targeting young people and children in the U.K."

As for the Russians, Evans said "there has been no decrease" in Russian intelligence officers carrying out covert activities in Britain. MI5 is devoting significant resources, Evans said, to countering "unreconstructed attempts by Russian, and others, to spy on the U.K."

His comments are considered an important reflection of the current threat as seen by British officials.

You know, its all fun and games until a kid blows you up. This final story, if its true, sort of wipes the smile right off your face:

June 11, 2007

"Al-Qaeda recruits Brit kids | MI5 BOSS IN SECURITY ALERT Under 10s being groomed for terror."

British boys are being groomed for suicide bombings by al-Qaeda from the age of 10 and under.

The youngsters may have been "softened up" by radical propaganda from five, and from 10 considered experienced enough to carry out simple jobs.

Five years later they can be fully fledged terrorists, security sources said.

The horrific rise of the teeny terrorists was confirmed yesterday by MI5 Director General Jonathan Evans.

Disclosing that al-Qaeda was waging a "deliberate campaign" against Britain, he said: "As I speak, terrorists are methodically and intentionally targeting children in this country.

The Queen of Sheba's Baby's Daddy

FOX News featured a program yesterday (November 18, 2007) that was rather amusing. Their so-called "Religion Correspondent" Lauren Green dispensed her expertise on religion (you know, the Christian religion). Ms. Green got the job when the Muslim "Religion Correspondent" that they were going to use was hired on The View for her "extremist" viewpoint.

It made me wonder though whether she corresponded directly with God. FOX icon George W. Bush claims to. During the program the camera panned over a picture of King Solomon and his consort, the Queen of Sheba (she ruled over the ancient location of Ethiopia/Yemen). Not surprisingly, the queen was lily white. It was very authentic reporting on the part of the FOX News Religion Correspondent.

Of course, it would be delusional to hope that since she traveled to Ethiopia to "research" her piece, she would have noticed the distinctly tanned appearance of the inhabitants of that country.